it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
