what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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