I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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