I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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