He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize