so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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