We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm bleeding and have questions
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
