So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
