you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
