There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
