We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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