Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
