My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
