he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
