hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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