tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
