when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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