im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
