So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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