Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
time to smoke my breakfast
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
