last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
