It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We had sex on a dog bed..
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize