Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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