So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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