Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
