We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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