remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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