so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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