he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
