When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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