Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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