So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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