You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
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