i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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