I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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