can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize