Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
