Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
