census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Damn victory sex feels great
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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