That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
