You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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