are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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