There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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