i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
