I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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