i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
