I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
