he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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