This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
