I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
