I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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