like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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