i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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