I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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