walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
did i just pee glitter
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
