She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
