have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
