when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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