Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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