why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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