I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize