I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
