i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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