Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
