Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
