I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
