he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
