I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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