im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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