What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
